whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
