i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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