I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
