Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize