Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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