i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
