her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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