It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
