We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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