why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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