Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
