just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
