i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
