I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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