is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
