i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
