Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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