What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You pole danced in your parka.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
