OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
