Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize