he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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