You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
