He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
