there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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