You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
