Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
