can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I intend to get homeless drunk
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
