don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
