i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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