Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
