what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I cut my penus on the lid.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Randomize
