he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
