Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
