I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
