i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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