My boss' voice literally gives me gas
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
