ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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