atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
