found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
you win again, gameday.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
