this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
