I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
