you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
