That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
found the other keg... it's in the tree
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
