Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
