All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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