Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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