Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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