Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize