Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
my sisters under your porch take her home
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
