You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
