Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
