You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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