Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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