seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
