Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
