Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
