next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
