One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
