I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
COCAINE IS GR8
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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