My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
