That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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