There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
