My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
