We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Go christen that room with your naked body.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
