Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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