Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
