Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
