dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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